Webster Cracks- Gotts Celebrates Emphatic Win

The world mourns the loss of a truly outstanding beard. As you can see from the above photo, many recognised Webster's face rug to be far superior to Gotts' scraggy effort, but his feeble will was broken by weeks of pressure, insults and pain.

As many men know, shaving off a full beard can be one of the most emotional yet entertaining things in life. Many beards have been trimmed into hilarious styles, but usually in the privacy of one's bathroom by men who have considered "What would I look like if was a cowboy?", "Does this Victorian moustache enhance my manliness?", "Does this 'tache make me look like Chaplin or more like Hitler?".

Here are the astounding images for all to see....























Gotts has elected to keep his beard for a while longer, although now the beard-off has let up, he can trim it to a more respectable style and length, confidant that he can bask in the hairy glory of being a winner for once.



WebsterGotts wish to thank everyone who made these beards possible. Cheers for the support, the ridicule, the pity, the love and most of all, for bothering to follow the journeys of these beards from stubble, to food-encrusted jungles and back again.

R.I.P. BEARD
(7th April 2009-1st July 2009)

The beards have now reached the two month mark. Our heroes have begun experimenting with styles, but they are still waiting for the optimum length and the right looks before they are unleashed.

Until then, here are some exciting pictures to keep you going.

The Beards Are Back

It has been a while since the last beard update but worry not, your favorite hirsute heros have been growing hard and showing off their orange chin plumages all over town.



The last few weeks have been emotional and itchy, resulting in a near shaving incident. However, disaster was averted with some honest support and encouragement between contestants via text message:

Gotts: I am so close to shaving my beard off. Please advise me. Give me guidance!
Webster: Don't be a FUCKING wimp! Hows that for guidance?
Gotts: Not good enough! Think it's gonna come off!
Webster: No think of the blog. Come on, we need to make them impressive or its all for nothing.



As you can see the advice worked, although Gotts's new found determination is owed to more than a few positive words from one man. After resigning himself to a hairy life of celibacy, Gotts saw a light at the end of the tunnel when he received some female attention from a young lady in a bar, and this was in no doubt due to his overgrown face carpet. In fact, the compliments did not stop there. Another romantically persuaded filly described Gotts's beard as "distinguished", and he was rewarded for his determination.



The progress in the beards is obvious with Gotts leading the way in length and Webster fighting back with good old fashioned bushiness. Webster's bushiness is due to a change in trimming tactics i.e. no trimming what so ever resulting in an itchy hairy neck. This has proven popular with the ever demanding public.
Quote; "Growing your neck beard is the difference between you looking like a man with a beard, and a sailor".
Public opinion generally favours Webster's beard. As some idiot in a bar surmised when informed of our beard-off; "He (Webster) is DICKING you!". WebsterGotts understood this to mean the gentleman preferred the aesthetic qualities of Webster's chin rug.



As the famous saying goes, "When the growing gets tough, the tough get growing", and despite many hairy tribulations, WebsterGotts are persevering. Pride must triumph over discomfort, and this pearl of wisdom passed down by Gotts's Father states; "A man must suffer for his beard". And suffer they will.

Beard Update

The beards are in full swing!





As you can see from the above images, Webster's facial fuzz is well on the way to becoming a genuine beard. The growth is thick, and the russet colour gives it strength and meaning. However, the rate of growth is a little slow, but the wait will be worth it for a luxurious, full-bodied face rug.





Gotts's beard is rather different. Although the speed at which the hair is racing form the skin is great, it is also sporadic. This gives the effect of a straggly beard that lacks colour, depth and motivation. But from a distance, the overall look is becoming impressive, and it can only improve with time.

Both Webster and Gotts are now beginning to experience the 'Moustache curl-back', where the hair of the upper lip grows to such a length that it curls back into the lip, occasionally causing mild discomfort. This is nowhere near as serious as, say, a rabbit's ingrowing tooth. Both artists have decided to go along the route of non-tash-trimming, to instead perform a 'side-sweep' action that will hopefully encourage the hair to direct itself sideways, across the lip, resulting in a fine example of a moustache. It is possible that moustache wax will soon be required.

As far as problems go, the main setbacks appear to be the eating of breakfast cereals. Webster has reported a 'slopping of milk' around his face-garden. This very morning, Gotts almost left the house with a blob of porridge stuck to his hair-bib. Pastries are also becoming an issue.

Birthday Beard-Off Update

It's been ten days of hard beard-growing. WebsterGotts have been straining their faces and eating their crusts, all razors have been chucked and chin shampoo has been poured, with stunning results.





As you can see from these images, beard-growing is not all fun and games. The pitfalls of biscuit crumbs and the horrors of cappuccino froth are plain to see. This is ok for Webster who can rely on the support of a long-term partner, but Gotts is aware that he will have to scrap all romantic notions for the next few months.

RULES

Remember, this is not a race, but a test of endurance. However, gentlemanly admiration will be awarded for style, shape, colour and bushiness. There are some rules to this competition.

1a. There will be absolutely no trimming of the beard area.
b. Modest trimming of the moustache area is permitted, but this may detract from the overall effect.
c. Trimming of the neck area is permitted, perhaps necessary to retain a job and home. However, trimming must not pass the upper jawline mark.





2a. The contest must continue until one of the contestants buckles and shaves.
b. There will be a stiff penalty for the offending shaver, to be decided in time.
c. Less serious penalties will be dished out for illegal or excessive trimming.

3a. Photographs must be taken each week to document the beardy progress.
b. Compliments and condemnations must be noted and reported on the blog.
c. Followers of the blog may offer encourage, support, praise and ideas for punishments, by clicking on the 'comments' link.

WebsterGotts believe that growing strong facial hair will strengthen their artistic appearance and recognition. All the best artists have great facial hair. Fact.

A Celebratory Beard-Off!

Good day to you all!

The WebsterGotts Art Blog is 2 years old this month! Instead of last years debauched piss-up, WebsterGotts have decided to celebrate this landmark with a series of events and projects, the first of which is the world-famous WebsterGotts Beard-Off!!!

In a homage to Tehching Hsieh (a very influential artist to WG), WebsterGotts have challenged one another to grow their facial hair for as long as they can bear, the first to buckle and shave shall be the loser! The contest shall be documented with regular photos of the face gardening progress on THIS BLOG!

Contestant WEBSTER:




Contestant GOTTS:




As you can see, their efforts are so far rather puny. But Gotts has a clear head start over Webster. No matter, this is not a race, but a test of endurance. Who can tolerate a beard over the summer months the longest?!

Picnic In Peckham

Last Saturday, WebsterGotts were invited to partake in an event in Peckham Square.

The Role of the Village Idiot, curated by Mark McGowan, was, in his own words "An afternoon of public art/street performance on Peckham Square and the theme of the afternoon is performance and the role of the village idiot. Obviously we have the holy fools, shakespears court jester, the dada art movement, but the village idiot is something else he/she is something other, something familiar, somebody we all know and recognise in our local communities. Here we will attempt to investigate, the role of the village idiot, the question of a necessary expulsion, the emotion of shame and how that relates to modern day life, street theatre and public art. Mainly using gesture and small props the artists will attempt to engage with the everyday happenings in peckham square."

WebsterGotts took this opportunity to have a quiet and civilised picnic. After a genteel ramble from Sheffield to Peckham, they settled down to an afternoon of writing and cheese ploughmans. Despite the pissing rain, they had a relaxing day and produced some fine calligraphy, documenting the day's events. Unfortunately, but perhaps fittingly, proceeds turned a little medieval, as WebsterGotts were caught in the crossfire of some unripe tomato flinging between local children and genuine idiots. Despite this, fun was had by all, and WebsterGotts cannot wait for their next outing...